I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
