Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
