I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
even my farts smell like vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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