yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
