There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
