How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
