So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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