hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
