So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
