well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize