Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
