Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
