im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
