I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
