before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
