Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
