It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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