yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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