He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
