I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
