don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
