There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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