When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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