oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
