it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
