I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize