Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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