**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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