don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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