You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
