dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
