Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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