is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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