i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
