Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
