I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
