an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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