too bad you live with your parents still
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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