We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
