This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
