I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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