Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
