next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
