I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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