Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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