you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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