God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
