I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
