3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I looked at my own cervix.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
