she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
