I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
COCAINE IS GR8
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
