new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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