it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
