Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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