Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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