Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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