You're so nebulous sometimes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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