Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My feet surprised me
Randomize
