ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Randomize
