OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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