there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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