I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
