i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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