I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
