She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
