if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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