i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
