A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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