I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This gyro tastes like lonliness
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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