You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
