i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
