she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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