We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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