I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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