Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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