So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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