dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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