He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
