I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
