So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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