Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
